MAKEUP MONSTROSITIES

How not to look like you applied your make up in Braille

Remember Elizabeth Taylor in the movie Cleopatra? Who could forget that dramatic make-up, with the eyebrow liner starting at her nose and then stretching to her temples. And her eyeliner similarly would start with the inner corner of the eye and work its way back to her ear.

Well Mademoiselles, that was a movie! Fantasy! Unreal!

In reality, anybody who slaps the make-up on with a spatula is down on Sunset Boulevard hailing down suspicious cars with tinted windows.

So why oh why do Iranian women still seem stuck in a bad Cecil B. De Mille extravaganza???

Come on gals, your canvas is already so exotic and beautiful to begin with. With those dark eyebrows, long luscious eyelashes, strong noses, wide red lips, and prominent cheekbones, don't you know that less is more when it comes to accentuating your traits?

Still, I am amazed to see after twenty years spent living in the U.S., Iranian women still show up at their local neighborhood barbecue with a birthday cake instead of a head on top of their neck.

Please, stopppp this atrocity at once!!!!

Honey, don't look at me now. I know I have a dish towel of a scarf covering my graying hair, but follow my advice. I have had more fun in my life than Liz Taylor has had husbands. Follow these simple do's and don'ts in order to get a fresh-scrubbed, natural look, instead of looking like an old beaten up hooker:

DO Find a foundation that is not too thick and that blends in with your own natural skin tone. The right foundation should not be too heavy or artificial. In fact, it should be so perfectly matched to your skin tone that it disappears. You don't see makeup, just a smooth, flawless face. A good option is tinted moisturizer, or liquid foundation. If you have good skin, you may not even need a foundation at all, and a simple translucent powder (Prescriptive is a good brand) will take away the shine.

DON'T Try to emulate Cher's son in the movie "Mask." One layer of foundation is more than sufficient. Don't literally brush on thick layers to your face as if you are an old fence that needs a few good coat of paint. Stay away from cream foundations as they are really too much especially on younger skins, ( If you like it thick, you may as well use peanut butter) and they give you unneeded shine. Most importantly, please laaaadies, you will not be able to lighten your dark skin tone by applying a foundation 10 shades lighter, or vice-versa, don't try to give yourself a tan by applying Indira Ghandi's favorite color foundation. A lighter tone can make the skin appear chalky. Also, if your face and neck are different skin tones, it could be really embarrassing. The key is you have to ACCEPT whatever god gave you and simply work with it. Subtlety ladies, remember, subtlety.

DO It is okay to paint your lips red if they are pretty and you want to attract that cute doctor you've set your eyes on. But remember, we don't want to look like the Happy Hooker. you have to limit yourself to ONE sexy item. If your eyes are your best features, you can afford a khol-rimmed look, or a sparkly powder applied to the lid. But it is either one or the other. Don't be greedy!

DON'T Try to do it all at once. The effect of bright red lips, with dark circles around your eyes, and enough rouge on your cheeks to color an entire troop of Moulin Rouge dancers will make you look like a CLOWN. A scary clown at that.

DON'T Pencil in your eyebrows like you were Joan Crawford. Remember, most Iranian women already have thick, dark eyebrows. Even worse, do not tattoo on eyebrows. If you have the urge, a little rose tattoo on your butt cheek is best. I wish you could see the red rose on my ass: but I digress …NEVERMIND!!! Don't try to go against your natural arch. The highest point of your brow should be above the outer corner of the pupil of your eye. To find where the end of your brow should be, take a pencil and hold it at a slant to the outer corner of your eye.

DON'T Take a bath in scented oils. Remember, you are not Cleopatra!!! Think how annoyed you get at some of these men douse themselves with aftershave.

DON”T Be a part of the problem, be a part of the solution.

· AZITA SAYS: You're engaging a game of deceit, and everyone involved can get hurt, most of all yourself. If you think you have found your soul-mate you are one of the lucky minority in this world. Don't ruin it. I know you are young and feel you will be missing out on life, if you don't pick from every fruit tree but chasing too much of a good thing could mean losing both girls. Make a decision: and it seems to me that since you say you have found your soul-mate, making a decision should not be so difficult.