Tanning: Why would you want to burn yourself to a crisp?

It’s that time of the year again and women are already flocking to their tanning beds, tanning lotions, and their rooftop swimming pool to get that sun-kissed look before the summer is in full gear.

Personally, I have never understood this need of frying your skin like it was a French fry (sorry Freedom Fry) to achieve a siaa-soukhteh look. In my days, the ideal of beauty was those topoli sefid mefid women whose immaculate skin could rival Snow White’s. Tanning not only is unappealing to the eye, well at least my eye, it is also chock full of health dangers such as skin cancer, sun stroke and inadvertent burning of your eyes. It also speeds the wrinkling process which is why a lot of these tanned women have an old baseball catcher’s mitt for a face.

Alas, even Ziba must go forward with the times and recognize the obstinate and arrogant nature of youth. So, if you absolutely MUST give in to the tanning craze, here are some tips that may reduce both beauty and health no-no’s in your future:

DO wear protective goggles in the tanning bed, and dark sunglasses when tanning outside as your eyes run a big danger of being burned and if you become blind, you would not be able to admire the golden glow of your tanned skin.

DON’T tan everyday! Rather, you should decide how often you can tan (such as every other day) and how long you can tan according to your skin type (such as fair, medium, dark). If your skin is very pale, then you must start out for a very short period of time (such as 3 or 5 minutes) and gradually increase your time until you are tan. The average person takes around 4 weeks to build a "base" tan.

DO use a self-tanning cream, given that it prevents burning and is easily absorbed into the skin. But make sure it does not contain any dye that would turn your skin orange. Other tips include cleaning then moisturizing your whole skin from the tip of your toes to your forehead thoroughly before applying. I would recommend doing it before bedtime so to minimize the chance of streaking.

DON’T just lie there like a log. Remember to turn constantly and not overexpose a particular part of your body for too long. Think of yourself as a nice roast simmering on the stove, you want to stir occasionally to prevent burnt meat.

DON’T tan if you are pregnant or if you have a tattoo. Those ultra-violet rays can be harmful both to your unborn and to that rose tattoo on my … I mean, on your butt.

DO use an after-sun lotion. This moisturizes the skin and helps keep your tan for longer.

DON’T use oil or butter as a tanning help. For god’s sake, I said to think of yourself as a roast, not to become a roast.

DO wear clothes that cover your arms and legs after sunbathing to prevent further exposure.

DON’T expose pale skin without a sunscreen of at least SPF15.

DON’T expose your skin further if you have got a sun burn. Let it fully heal first before getting back on that tanning bed.

DO inspect moles and freckles regularly, noting any changes. If you notice any, inform your doctor as soon as possible.

For god’s sake, kids, use your common sense and remember there is no shame in using that big Mexican straw hat this summer to protect your lateef skin from the horrible effects of the sun. You will thank Ziba later for it. Really. You will.