Uncle Osama

OSAMA bin Laden's 27 year old niece, Waffa bin Laden, has embarked on a pop singing career in England. Waffa is said to have a promising voice but unfortunately for her, London paparazzi have discovered her address and have been staking it out round-the-clock, making her afraid to leave. Although the would-be songstress denies ties to her infamous uncle, she mysteriously moved out of her $6,000-a-month New York apartment a few weeks before 9/11, then relocated to London.

Bush girl nude in Hustler
Osama’s foe George Bush also has female offspring making the news these days. HUSTLER magazine honcho Larry Flynt has publicly offered $1million to anyone who could sell him a videotape rumored to be showing First Daughter Barbara Bush in the nude during a party at Yale University. Seems Flynt isn’t the only fan of the Bush daughters. Just a few weeks ago, U.S. troops raiding the Baghdad bachelor pad of Sadaam Hussein's eldest son Uday found pictures of Barbara and sister Jenna plastered on the wall of his private gym. To the great relief of dad Dubya, the girls were fully clothed in the photographs.

Beckham bent on Dubai
While folks in the Middle East are fleeing in droves from the troubled region, British soccer star David Beckham and wife Victoria (Formerly Posh Spice from the pop group the Spice Girls) are moving there! The Beckhams are said to be eyeing a £1.2million vacation villa in Dubai. The Crown Prince of Dubai Sheik Mohammed says he will give the couple a huge discount.

Time to move
Speaking of moving back to the Middle-East, it may be time for Iranian residents of California to pack up their suitcases. Gov. Gray Davis, who could be facing a "recall election" in November, may be replaced by…gulp!… Senator Dianne Feinstein! The talk of the town in San Francisco is that Sen. Feinstein will offer herself as Davis' replacement. After she wins, she'll resign her Senate seat. Senator Feinstein has been reviled for a long time by the large émigré Iranian-American community in California for her anti Iranian stance, including her push for restrictions on the immigration of Iranians to the United States.

Get out of my ass!
In lighter news, the latest edition of Boston’s alternative magazine, the Weekly Dig, comedian Margaret Cho enlightens us with her views on U.S. anti-sodomy laws. “What the fuck?” Cho theorizes, “I mean, anybody can fuck me up the ass if they want to, and that's my business. Get out of my ass! As long as it's something that you want to be doing, why shouldn't you get to do it? To me it's not obscenity when we have found ways to enjoy our bodies in ways that society tells us not to do.” It’s safe to say that Cho, who has been notoriously expressive about her lack of luck with men, will have her phone ringing off the hook now!